LeBron more likely to be gone before Kyrie

New York

While planetary and intergalactic NBA reporters scramble to unscramble Kyrie Irving’s rationale for asking Cavaliers’ owner Dan Gilbert to trade him, I’ve uncovered a far more pressing issue:

Sources say Dahntay Jones has demanded the team validate his parking.

Naturally, credentialed and fantasy folk immediately reacted hysterically to the news seepage of Kyrie’s bid to bolt, and then appropriately overreacted, consistently the media’s foremost function in such situations.

Full column available at: patreon.com/petervecsey

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